True love is very misunderstood, and despite the best efforts of philosophers through out the ages it still remains a mystery to most people. The definition of true love offered by Dr. Peck is worth considering, however. Basically, he explains true love as giving of yourself for the sake of the spiritual growth of other people and for your own spiritual growth.

The first thing you may notice about this definition is that it implies true love has a purpose, and that purpose revolves around personal growth. Love is not just an emotion, however intense and deep it feels. Central to this definition is the idea that through loving others we ourselves grow. Through the practice of loving we become a more loving person. Spiritual growth can thus be measured by how loving we truly are.

True love of oneself is also included in this definition. To love yourself means doing what is good for your own personal and spiritual growth, even when it is uncomfortable or difficult. Loving ourselves does not mean just being nice to ourselves and satisfying all our earthly pleasures. (In reality, this is very detrimental to our spiritual growth because it makes us self-indulgent and self-centered.)

To love others takes effort, and in some cases this can be very hard work. Ideally, we should also be able to love people whom we do not particularly like or find attractive. This is not as unreasonable as it may sound, if you understand that love is not just a feeling, but it is expressed when you do something for another person that benefits their spiritual and emotional growth, which in turn helps them realize their full human potential.

Most of the ideas expressed in Dr. Peck's book I wholeheartedly embrace, but I feel his definition of true love needs to be expanded. It is true, but at the same time it is incomplete. Love which has the primary purpose of nurturing the spiritual and personal growth of others as defined by Dr. Peck I think of as "parental love", as in the love of parents for their children, or the love a person has for another that they are in a position to help in some way. However, there are two more types of love that we can experience.

The second type is the love between a husband and wife, or conjugal love, which has an aspect of giving for the sake of the other's spiritual growth, but it is much more than that. The love between a husband and wife is also the unity between male and female and contains within it the purpose of reproduction. We can love our spouse purely as an expression of our appreciation of and response to their beauty, in addition to our interest in their spiritual growth and development. Dr. Peck does not address either of these aspects of conjugal love.

The third type of love is the love children have for their parents, or "children's love". Prior to adulthood, children generally are not capable of assisting in the spiritual growth of their parents or older siblings, yet they can love them very deeply. Children's love is also not addressed by Dr. Peck.

I believe you cannot really define true love without considering the concept of beauty. In the broad sense of the word, (not just physical attractiveness) love and beauty are really two aspects of the same giving and receiving action that occurs between people who love each other. The more you truly love someone, the more energy they will receive from you in their personal and spiritual growth, and the more beautiful they will become. Likewise, as they become more beautiful to you, your desire to love them grows too.

Similarly, as young children, the more our parents protect us, care for us, and sacrifice for us, the more beautiful they become to us and the more we love them. The more your children develop and mature the more beautiful they become and the more love you feel for them. It seems that there is beauty latent within love, and love latent within beauty, which helps makes the whole experience of loving so dynamic and wonderful.

Where is the best way to learn and experience these three types of love? It is none other than the family. In an ideal family, all three types of love are developed. This is one reason why the family structure is so important--it is our school of love. If we recognize the family as vital to our spiritual and emotional growth, then the basis of the family--marriage, is equally important.